Top Ten Things to be Thankfull for on Turkey Day

10. Snow Plow Drivers on I-70. I especially want to thank them for spraying that Mag. Chloride all over the road. It’s so refreshing to drive along at 65mph with my head out the window so I can see. That stuff also serves as a great hair gel.

9. Music. You can listen to it day and night and it remains infinitely different and timeless. TV, on the other hand, has gone from 3 networks to 500 stations and nothing is ever on. God bless em’ for trying though.

8. Kids. I love mine un-conditionally but you never stop worrying about them. I asked a wise person once “when do you stop worrying?” She said “never, and then they start reproducing”. Mom – call me, I have an ow-wee.

7. The Broncos. In spite of the fact that it’s only entertainment, after all these years, I scream when they play, cry when they lose, and wonder why when they win.

6. Chickens. I love chickens. Think about what they give us. Wings, soup, salads, eggs, jokes and much more. These fouls roam their cages, are injected with steroids, have no home life, and then offer themselves to us at least 3 times a week off the grill, a grease pit, or even as an Italian dish. They are a special species. Is anyone listening? Dial 1-800-icareaboutchicks.

5. Nancy Pelosi. Because of her, Capitol Hill is the #1 reality show on any network. You either love it or hate it. Hollywood will soon release the movie “Nancy and Harry, a Love Story” starring Tatum O’neal, Kelley MaCaulkin, and Gary Coleman as Barrack.

4. My Car. Although I leave a carbon footprint every time I drive, it gets me where I want to be. Even faster than an airplane and I don’t charge for luggage, my cell phone can stay on, and, if I please, I can eat Kentucky Fried Chicken getting there. Grab your keys, it’s on.

3. Beer. What a great invention. I don’t know exactly of it’s origin, but I think Pete Coors or Bill Budwieser had a lot to do with it. Thanks guys for mixing all those healthy vegetables together and adding a little fizz for tickle. The common man thanks you.

2. The Antlers at Vail. What a place. A great staff, wonderful owners and guests, comfortable units, free $200,000 parking spots, and an un-limited supply of smiles. I can’t believe I work here.

1. It’s Snowing Right in Our Backyard.

Greg

Posted in Antlers at Vail News, As the Antlers Turns.

5 Comments

  1. Your top tens have always given me the dose of sarcasm I need during the holidays! Born 30 years younger and I can relate to all of it (except number 8 can be parents.) I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree..
    Wish I could be there for the turkey, but I will be there for more laughs sooner then you think :)

  2. Speaking of chickens… I just purchased my free range, 18 pound, steroid free, $51 turkey…. now thats love!

  3. Glad to see you’re still coming up with hilarious top-tens, dad. That’s one thing I look forward to during the holiday season… Love you!, Nicole

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